I am a middle-class, middle-aged, married, tradition-minded Catholic man who regrets, strongly, most of the life decisions he has made. I regret my sin, my cowardice, and my decision to marry. The cowardice I regret the most is resisting God's call to a celibate vocation.
This blog will function as a means for mentally working through my trials, as I have little support elsewhere. I work entirely too many hours to meet with any sufficient priest regularly for spiritual direction, nor can I discuss any of this with my friends, as in conversation I lack the composure to discuss this rationally without detracting my wife. In written form I can edit myself, and censor the evils that would otherwise spew from my mouth.
As I wish to remain anonymous, I will withhold many details of the specific marital problems my wife and I have. I do not wish to detract or defame her publicly, nor disturb my children as they age.
A secondary aim of this blog will be to convince other young, Catholic men not to marry, and instead remain celibate. For every Catholic woman out there that will make a fine wife, there are hundreds that are too poisoned by feminism to ever do so. The chances are not in men's favour, if their goal is to marry and raise a righteous, God-fearing family with traditional gender roles. That, coupled with the threat of divorce (the vast majority of which are initiated by women), make it too risky of a proposition in this day and age. It is better to spend a life able to give freely of time and talent to organizations within the Church who can best reach out to non-believers in the world that they might attain salvation. Whether this is to be done as a single man, priest, or religious is a matter for discernment, but marriage should be off the table for most men today.
For any reading this, I do not want your sympathy, for I deserve none. What I would most appreciate is prayers that I might persevere in faith, never giving in to despair or other sin. I know I will never be happy in this life; I act in solemn hope that I might in the next.
